wishful thinking….

Here i am keep on wondering… I keep on thinking of Mr. Big last night…It was months of no communication, 6 days after a breakup letter but i felt it was sooo long…. I was so confused/burst out with wild mixture  of emotions because of an email. It awakens all the feelings I kept in a secret box inside me.

 Yesterday, I recieved an email with the subject: ERRATA for your blog. Seeing the sender name made my stomach leap.  When I read the letter line by line, tears keep falling down my face. The email was about what I think and my post last saturday . He captured some of the lines and point out whats his side.

Ive said:

"I found out that he loves me less than I thought and as if he was wearing a transparent shield and when exposed to him I felt Im in a different ground."

This is very very very wrong. I still love you so much that it drives me crazy when I read your letter last week. You did not understand the letter that I sent you. I don’t know why you did not understand…im speaking plain language there. no alien words, no out of this world language.

I felt like I’m so stupid. Betrayed by my own emotions and way of thinking.. I still don’t know what should I feel, for I can’t think clearly. Silently, I wanna see him badly… I don’t know if he think of me. I dont know if  I was just fooling myself and making me believe you don’t love me because I’m afraid I would expect something from you and you wont be able to deliver.

Letting go of someone dearly was so hard. I just do hope if we never get back, we could move on and still have a beautiful life…