Cold War or end of war?

Is relationship like a bottle of wine that tastes even better when fermented for a long time?  This question is bugging me for a while and I need to do something about it and decided to put it in writing.

Its Saturday and I don’t know what to do, I just thought that laziness empowers me. I just stay in bed for the  12 hrs without eating something and thinking what else to do for the rest of the day without realizing the day is ending. I am kind of laying low today. I decided to take a nice bath to sweep the laziness out of me – a start of my day indeed.

Here I am now writing what’s with my mind and heart back then.. It’s a fact that I can’t still get over with my past relationship -the relationship that lasted for 6yrs with the guy Im talking in my previous write ups. Well, I should better give him a pet name.. huh… Hmmm. I’ll call him Mr Big – not because I love Sex and the city but I could relate to the movie personally. 

Relationship was great during the first year, not seeing him could make your stomach leap. As the year goes by, there were a lot of conflicts and misunderstandings, however we have manage to go through a lot of those. Have we really? Or those misunderstanding s, conflict issues was just gone temporarily and eventually will come back?

After graduating college we started working, he was working in a software company and I was working with an engineering company.  I decided to live close to where I am working and it’s a little bit far from him. We see each other during weekends and sometimes hangout at the mall, we go to mass every Sunday.. Some kind of a routine we normally do.  I started to get bored with the kind of life that we have, no adventure or something that could make my brain work “its something to get busy with”. Conflicts started, past issues comes back. We are both hurt with the situation and decided to have some time off. A silent war………..

It was a month with no communication and it just hurt me so badly. I cried to sleep and feeling lost. I started to express my feelings by just eating ice cream and chocolates just to fill in the emptiness I felt. I was like an empty cold glass that anytime would break if not handled with care. A little bit vulnerable. I still love him and deeply missed him. It was last Thursday that I have decided to write a letter to Mr Big of what’s in my heart and mind back then.  I found out that he loves me less than I thought and as if he was wearing a transparent shield and when exposed to him I felt Im in a different ground. It was then that I realized I should stop my craziness and start a new life. I finally wrote a goodbye letter and it pierce me.. What it hurts me a lot was that he never run and pull me back  or at least I could hear him say we can work things out instead.  A cold war that finally ended with once upon a time Mr. Big was head over heels in-love with me. A bottle of wine that never made it through or at least tasted even better than the first year.

PS: Despite of what happened to us, I’m always proud of him and thankful that once upon a time he loved me and accepted me. He would still be my first boyfriend, my best friend, my crying shoulder, my knight and shinning armor that would stay in my memories. Until we met again.