Looking back… March 18, 2002

I was organizing my things in my cabinet when I found my 2002 journal. When I was browsing my journal it caught my attention and found myself reading the page dated March 18, 2002. Yes, 7 years ago. I was still in 1st year college then. When I was reading the lines I was brought back to the past - as if a flash back.  I was a 1st year college  in my 2nd semester term which will almost end.  I was inlove, happy, sad and lonely - i could still remember vividly.  I was in- love with my friend which turned out to be my classmate in Software Engineering Course.  We were so close and usually end up in the same group whenever theres class projects.  We usually  spend our free time together and during our afternoon classes we hangout to the football field, with something to eat in hands and talk about our subjects, life, goals, dreams, and stay there until 6:30pm and sometimes the guard would just  whistle us to get out of the field because its already 8:30 in the evening. We would just giggle and laugh. We eat lunch and dinner together. We study together, and he would teach me sometimes in my math subjects when I have a hard time coping up. 

We are just renting a place to stay with and he has apartment which he shares with his cousins, me Im staying in a boarding house 250meters away from his place. Every Friday after our class I usually go home to my hometown. He would accompany me to the bus terminal and after I leave he would hangout to SM City Mall. When I get back every Sunday we go to 6:00 pm mass at Saint Joseph Church together and eat dinner together.  It was really a great time with him.

Each passing day my feeling for him grows deeply.  I was really sad and a little bit excited. Sad because the Semester is going to end soon and excited because of the semester break and summer class is about to start in the next month –April.

We have our last final exam Friday afternoon, which implicates that it is our last day of school. We celebrated after our last exam in SM City Mall together with my eight close friends which includes him of course. … I am happy, excited and at the same time sad.

He will also go back to his hometown in South Cotabato on Sunday. We decided to attend a mass together to the miraculous church of Leganes in Iloilo. He fetch me at my boarding house 7:30 am Saturday morning. That moment is still vivid to me and I could even remember the specific outfit we used. We attended the 8:00am mass and we just arrived on time. We are holding hands during the entire mass and I could feel the butterflies flying in my stomach at the same time tears flowing into my eyes. Wild mixture of feelings coveted me.  It was that time that I realized how much I love him.  After the mass we headed straight  to  my boarding house and prepare to go home. I decide to leave that day for I don’t want to see him go. He accompanies me to the bus station and it was truly a hard time for me.

Having my semester break at home made me busy and occupied with household choirs. But there are times I feel lonely and think of him much more that I don’t have a cellular phone or landline for means of communication. It was a relief when our neighbor had an installation of a landline.  He calls me every day at around 5:00 pm through my neighbors’ landline. I am thankful that my neighbor is kind. I have been always looking forward to see him on our advance class that April. During those times that I’m lonely, I have this poem. I don’t know what should be the title…

I stared through my window
Cold wind gently blew
Breeze pretended that you’ve heard
Words of love I gently whispered.

The night was so lovely
Stars above glittered magically
Mantle of bright light show.
I found myself dreaming of you.

Birds hummed such melodious tune.
It filled me up with sweet emotion.
Words in my innocent mind
were images of thoughts refined.
 
What a lovely night I wanted to share
If only you are here.
I longed to hold you near
because you’re such a dear.